"You join us at the world famous Warehouse Tavern in the heart of the illustrious North Enfield Industrial Estate for what's shaping up to be the greatest contest this wildly popular sport has seen for over a decade.
I'm Alpen Shickler and joining me in the commentary box is three times World and European SPS Champion, Jesley Finknuts. Jesley - quite a competition lining up."
"Sure is , Alpen, although what you have to understand is that we are just the result of a fantasy dreamed up by a man who's been burning the midnight oil making one thing every day and, well, I think it's finally broken him."
"Well, interesting stuff there, Jesley. I think the question on everyone's mind, though, is can the reigning champ come through again, or will the young up-and-comers manage to unseat him?"
"No, Alpen, I think you're missing the point. This is all just made up. The board is a piece of 18mm plywood some guy found lying around outside. He just cleaned it up a little, varnished it, stuck a copper strip to one end and penned in lines and numbers at the other. Then he flicks three coins up the board and reads off the score. Even the rules were only devised last night."
"Right you are, Jesley! So let's turn our attention to the first match between the Norwegian, Fenster Monkeychump and his German rival, Heinrick Clausenbacker. Both seeded from last year, but Fenster with the advantage here. Just look at those stats from training this morning:"
"I can't see the big Gewrman getting through this time - Jesley?"
"You're not getting this are you, Alpen? Look, here's some video and images the guy took while he was playing the game on his kitchen table:"
"He even wrote down the rules in a post on Flickr. Listen:
Each player has three turns
Each turn progresses as follows:
- the player places the coin on the rather natty copper strip and flicks each of three coins up the board
- the score for each coin is added up and this total is noted down
- coins that fall short of the first mark or fall off the board score 0
When all three turns are complete, the highest score out of the three is noted and play passes to the other player
When the other player has completed their three turns, the highest score of each player is compared and the difference between the two scores is called the points score for the round and is awarded to the player with the highest score
The process is repeated until one player reaches 10 points.
player 1 scores 6, 12 and 8
player 2 scores 7,14 and 3
Here player 2 wins and is awarded 2 points (14-12)
The reason for playing it this way is that the better players will score consistently high, but the other players will still be in with a chance, making the game much more competitive.
The reason for awarding the points based on the difference in the highest scores is to encourage the players to try hard for a high score on all of their turns and not just give up if they're not doing so well.'
See? I mean, what kind of a name is 'Funknuts' anyway."
"I hear you, Jesley. Well, the ref nods to Clausenbacker and the match is underway."
"I'll get my coat.
oh, I don't have one"